Monday, June 28, 2010

2 feelings that I hate..

I hate the feeling of NOT HAVING MONEY! The feeling of it its just so darn unpleasant and horrifying! To a guy, Money is power, safety, responsibility. Money limits our needs, wants, social life, freedom etc. Without money, a guy will feel very insecure about things. Even if it is just holding it and knowing that he has the money is just enough. He do not need to use it or anything. But as long as he knows he has a sum of money somewhere and when there is a need, he could fulfill that need with that amount of money, then he would be alright.

The second thing is that I hate the feeling of being HELPLESS and POWERLESS when it comes to loved ones being in trouble. Loved ones include family, close friends, partners etc. Someone you truly care about. If they are in troubled or they are feeling depressed/sad or perhaps dying, all you can do is just stand there and watch it happen. Being helpless and powerless in the situation. Doesn't it hurt you?

Once, I watched my hamster die in front of my eyes. His pulse is getting weaker by the second and his breathing is more intense. I know he is gonna leave me soon. I know that he is suffering. I want him back! I couldn't do it. I just held him in my palms and started praying and talking to him. Yup! I TALKED with him, my HAMSTER! I told him ' I'm sorry and I love you. Thanks for being my pet hamster. I really appreciate the time we spent together. I wish you all the best. You can go now with pride. Don't suffer anymore, just go on. Don't be afraid. It's alright. Rest in peace.' and I actually kissed him! lol... and few minutes after that, he passed away. hhmmm.. It hurts me though to watch him die in my hands with the thought that I could not do anything to help him.

Or once, I have this close friend of mine staying in another country. News broke out that his loved one had incurable disease. 4th Stage if I am not mistaken. And he is far away from his loved one. I can sense his sadness, his pain. I can feel it myself. Looking at him like that, it just hurt me because AGAIN I am powerless and helpless in the situation! All I can do is just tell him to take care and all. But that is not someone in the situation needed I guess. I wish I could just go there and give him a hug or perhaps lend him a shoulder to cry on, the least I could do. However, he is a lot more tougher than I thought.

Or this close friend who is feeling lost and depressed. I don't know what is going on. I just couldn't help! I HATE IT! I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY! ESPECIALLY LOVED ONES! THOSE THAT I CARE ABOUT! Now I am getting Emo about it! ARGH! >.<"

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