Confession

I am an egoistic and childish lil brat.. n the worst part is that i m denying it! SHIT!

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by posting those previous posts.. i m admitting it unconsciously...

Sick And Tired

It's funny how people sees me as someone very childish and ugly.. LOL...

well.. it's not that i m denying the fact that i m childish sometimes.. hu doesnt ?! at certain time or shud say sometimes.. ppl tend to get childish.. well.. does tat mean that i m too over ?! i guess so.. for ages i have been denying tat fact.. i dun wanna accept tat fact.. and running away n denying it just makes the matter worse.. haiz.. i cant accept it just like tat as it shows tat i m just wat they say.. i cant just deny it just like tat as i m really childish for doing so.. hhmmm... wat i nid to do its just keep myself quiet.. n grow myself.. onli someone sincere n true to me will noe how mature/childish i m.. n onli someone hu is sincere n true n patient enuf will noe how much i have grown.. onli they will noe how n where i will grow to.. n tis are the bunch of ppl i shud take into account of..

besides that, i dun think i m really tat handsome.. erm.. i dun think tat i m very ugly too lo.. just in between.. :x perhaps more.. LOL.. i often get some comments from my fren that i m cute.. LOL.. shud i be happy or wat? coz cute its like someone childish.. well.. hu cares.. its not a tease or something.. but its from their sincere heart.. hehe.. can feel tat.. maybe i m wrong.. maybe i m right.. duno.. dun wanna think bout it.. sometimes when i go out.. ppl wud just ignores me or will just treat me differently.. i wonder why.. erm... i often get a lot of ppl tat talks to me a lot.. n very frenly.. when meet or after meet, they wud just ignore me.. they just change 180 degrees! WTF man.. so realistic! ugly n childish boi kenot be ur fren ?! diu.. i bet u are once childish too.. n someone gave u the chance to learn some things from them n grow from tat too! n i bet u are not tat leng either! LOL..

hhmmm.. often they will treat me like tat.. i m ugly n childish.. bear in mind tat there are oso ppl out there hu thinks the same as u.. they will tend to treat u the same way u treated me.. its karma.. n then u will feel how i feel.. i had enuf with tat.. i m tired n sick of it! aiks.. n some just will talk a lot n say how good n nice u are.. or appears to be how caring n frenly they are.. then when u ask to hang out.. lots of excuses! LOL... WTF man... if tats the case.. then if u wanna be virtual n online fren.. state it in the 1st place.. berlagak aje.. say wanna hang out n meet me .. liars.. suan.. after millions of time of asking u out.. if u dun appreciate it n stuff.. then fuck off! be net frenz better.. jangan jual mahal in front of me! its not like u are staying zillions of miles away or i have any diseases that might pass to u if u meet me.. or its not like i cant live without u if i dun meet u or hang out with u... busy? hhmmm... have been busy for few months.. n u are telling me no time ? not even a single lunch or dinner with me ? some even worse.. told me busy but there are few times u can hang out with ur other frenz.. or go gym or shopping! diu.. n sometimes u guys even complain tat u are so lonely.. -.-" i m sick n tired of it... i tried my best to please u guys.. i tried my best to stick and blif watever u have to say n give.. i had enuf of it!

if u guys dun appreciate having me as a fren, bro or watever u call me, FUCK OFF then! i got close frenz hu is willing to back me up when i m in danger n in problem, will share my happiness and sadness with me.. treat me the way u wan to be treated back. n u will be amazed n surprise at the outcome.. ^.^

away from stress

Tis morning i woke up early to send my sis to the KLIA transit at Kampung Malaysia... its just 10 minutes drive away from my house.. hhmmm.. its a transition point for KLIA transit, KTM and STAR LRT.. i have to pass by a kampung or as known as village to the station.. hehe..

hhmmm.. its been a while since i have ever been to anywhere besides the busy and congested KL n PJ area.. i have always fancy the rural and peaceful life and scenery.. not much car n pollution.. just the green green grass, trees and blue blue sky, water.. the relaxed life.. without have to be stressful to go somewhere or do something.. take life at a slow pace..

it came to my sense again that i shud take a holiday.. out from the busy n stressful KL n crowd.. when i drove passed the village.. i saw some chickens crossing the road.. then i have to stop n let them cross.. they look so cute.. when their 'ass' feathers just bounce n bounce when they try to move fast to cross the road.. which in fact they did not move fast.. LOL.. damn cute n funny.. it brightens up my life.. then after dropping my sis.. while i was driving back.. i saw those uncles n aunties sitting outside their houses.. talking n chit chatting away.. so happily.. then i have to stop by the road for my mom to buy some AWESOME nasi dagang.. hehe.. i over shot.. so when i looked behind.. no car.. so i jsut reverse.. suddenly HORN!!! a motorbike.. ops :x then i break immediately! hehe.. then he just go pass me without cursing or anything. i just raised my hand as a sign of apology.. if i was in the KL area.. i bet i wud get some cursing or the 'finger' or perhaps the stare... LOL.. hhmmm.. how good n nice they are here.. no hatred.. hehe.. then the auntie tat sells the nasi dagang so polite.. hehe.. they like to talk with us.. relate lots of stuff.. hehe...

damn nice.. i wanna go to some holiday.. hehe.. stay away from the KL n PJ area.. hehe.. or at least from the stressful lifestyle i m having now..

Underestimation, look down on me, stereotyping, halo-effect...

Often ppl underestimate me bcoz of my age, my cute look *grins*, my height, my usage of language at certain point or perhaps my behaviour.. well, wat actually happened was that they stereotype or the halo-effect are involve while they are making judgments on me...

you noe wat motivates me the most to become a better person ?

its the underestimation, the look down on me, the stereotyping and the halo-effect of u guys that motivates me to change to a better person. it might sound stupid to change bcoz of how some ppl look at me.. sometimes its just en ego.. i just wan to prove to u tat i m not tat weak, stupid or dependent on ppl after all.. perhaps at the very point i show such qualities.. but if u r sincere enuf or stay enuf to see me n understand me, i bet u will be amazed... i m saying this bcoz of some ppl just take a 1st look at u.. then they start to stereotype, halo-effect, estimating u... n once they are done doing tat, they will just ignore u for the rest of the time.. is tis fair? well.. it isnt fair.. but wat is fair in tis world ? i have to bear some responsibilities too as i shud have shown my best at the very 1st... but dif ppl have diff taste n stuff.. so u cant get everyone to like u.. n i always believe tat 'save the best for the last'..

Age... lots of ppl think that i m onli 19.. i m too young? childish/immature? i can say that i m more than wat my age can offer.. i m capable of doing lots of things at tis age while others hu are older than me are incapable of doing such things.. so its age a limiting factor? yes but to a certain extend.. not to say i m very capable n mature.. i m still learning myself n i like to learn.. i like to talk too ppl hu are mature and knowledgeable.. bcoz i can learn a lot of things from them.. but i m definitely more than wat a normal average 19yo can offer..

Looks... some ppl think tat i m cute , some thinks tat i m ugly.. but i noe hu i m n where i stand.. everyone wans to become lengzai rite? i like to experience new stuff n try new things once at least.. i wan to look better than i m now.. tats y i m came out with the Desmond Makeover Plan... not bcoz of how ppl look at me.. i just wan to look better n lengzai.. while i m still young.. n hope i will stay tat nice n attractive till i m old n retired.. n good looks are always a + for anything.. i experienced it b4.. when ppl say no to u just the minute they look at u.. really sad though.. but it motivates me.. hehe.. n have u ever thought why most playboys are capable of having lots of partners but yet lots of hatred towards him? n ppl wud die for them or willingly to be played by them? its bcoz they have the looks... most important factor.. tats wat i think.. lolx..

Height.. hahaha.. tis is something which lots of ppl tease me about.. i m short.. very short.. so wat?! i cant change tat fact.. its in the genes.. lolx..but there isnt a rule saying tat short ppl wont succeed in life n lead a happy life rite? short or tall.. i deserve a chance in everything.. hu says tat onli tall ppl are good at basketball? nonsense!! even short ppl can be very good at playing basketball.. its the determination... the inner self tat matters.. not the outer self.. short ppl have their own advantages n disadvantages.. so does tall ppl.. so dun tease short ppl.. LOL... well i m used to it... though.. hehe..

Language... hhmmm.. my language.. esp eng.. not tat good though.. but i m willing to learn.. i m trying to pick up things.. bits n pieces.. asking questions to be better.. once in a group presentation.. our group got the highest marks.. well.. actually is always.. lolx.. n i gave CONSTRUCTIVE COMMENTS on other groups' presentation.. well.. my lecturer asked us to do so.. so i did.. i din meant to fire or bombard ppl.. i m just trying to help my frenz to improve.. tats all.. n hoping tat my frenz are open minded enuf to accept it.. however, it turn out tat some ppl isnt tat open minded after all.. suits u.. but i did my part to help.. n after tat my lecturer gave comments.. she agreed with all tat i have to say.. LOL.. wat i wanna say to u ppl out there are ' I GOT THE HIGHEST(2ND) MARKS IN MOST OF THE TEST ITS NOT BCOZ I M CUTE! BUT ITS BCOZ I M GOOD AT OBSERVING N GOOD IN MY LANGUAGE N WILLING TO LEARN N ACCEPT CONSTRUCTIVE COMMENTS!' sounds arrogant here.. but.. i m just trying to speak out.. being confident.. LOL.. i m not saying i m the best.. but i m learning n willing to accept constructive comments n change to become better out of it..

Behaviour.. lol... or it shud be link to my emotions.. lolx.. as u guys noe.. i m kinda emotional.. but i m improving.. u wudnt wanna noe me if i was younger.. hahaha... my behaviour.. at times.. its just see hu is the person i m with.. its just diff ppl n diff ways of being with them.. hehe.. be smart enuf to blend in... soemtimes i might be a bit too manja.. or a bit too playful/childish.. but its my personality.. learn to live with it or leave me alone.. well.. its just sometimes.. i m not like tat always... so if u treat/respect me the way, i will give u the equal or perhaps even more respect n treat in return.. hhmmm.. but it conflicts with one thing.. when ppl are mean to me.. i shud be better to them.. hmmm.. i still cant do tat yet.. duno why... trying to change? duno.. but tats wat makes me unique.. ahaha..

lastly i wanna say tat accept me for hu i m but not someone u wan me to be... be patient n treat ppl sincerely.. u will earn ur rewards n be amazed by it.. dun just judge a person by its cover or 1st impression though 1st impression is very important.. but try not to do so.. try to take time at knowing tat person.. tis doenst apply to interviews.. it applies to getting frenz/relationships.. so be smart n blend in well.. always be open minded to accept other ppl's constructive comments as they have their own reasons for saying such things.. try n think bout it n change to become a better person.. dun change bcoz of wat others wan u to be.. change bcoz of urself.. change bcoz u wan to.. change to become a better person, not worse...

facial n fish reflexology

tonight i went for my facial!! woo hoo!! damn nice.. lol... well, it may sound sissy but i m a metrosexual man!! LOL.. i have to 'repair' my skin coz of all the pimples n take good care of it now.. hehe.. i love my face.. i wan to be presentable! tis is the 1st move of the Desmond MakeOver project.. lol..

tis is actually my 2nd facial session.. bcoz the beauty parlour move to another place, tats y i got a free facial wash.. the new place is damn nice.. its at happy garden.. its HERBALINE.. if u wanna noe more info bout the place can just drop me a msg.. the place is so damn relaxing n nice.. its like a a a a.. duno la! just nice lar.. i duno how to describe the design.. there's a name for it but i kenot rmemeber.. lol.. erm.. its like those spa.. with woods, flowers, glass windows, waters,rocks, pathways etc.. forgot to take a pic of it.. lol..

the beauty consultant / masseur is so pretty!!! skin is so nice !!! OMG.. the atmosphere, the beauty consultants.. OMG!!! n her hands are so soft n nice!! i love it when she do the facial.. damn nice.. lol... but the onli thing i dun like is the clear blackhead,whitehead n pimples part.. damn freaking painful!! now my face are full of red dots.. lol...

i found out tat i have a dry skin.. i tot its sensitive skin all the while.. turn out to be i m wrong.. n she says tat i nid moisturizer to stop the oily skin.. coz its in the nature tat if our skin is too dry n have not enuf moisture, it will produce oil.. dirty oil!! then put some non greasy moisturiser which suit ur face wud help the situation of getting oily skin.. hmhmm... duno la.. lol.. i have to wash my face, wipe it dry with a FACIAL towel, put toner, put moisturiser, pimple cream.. aiks.. lots of things to do!! but for smooth n nice face, i dun care!! lol..

oh ya.. i went for the fish reflexology thing.. damn funny.. its a treatment for dead skin cells n sensitive skin n skin disease.. very common n famous in japan n singapore.. its imported from overseas.. my mom, aunt, sis n i were talking n feeding the fishes with our legs.. lol. its so funny.. ticklish.. but once u get used to it.. it feels good.. lol..like electric shock.. the beauty consultant told me tat its 'kissing fish'.. she oso duno wats the name.. LOL.. but really nice. now my feet are so soft n nice n clean.. i guess.. lol.. here is the pic..

Pills...

Hhhmmm.. after some test n stuff.. i went to the doctor again.. tis time.. i got LOTS of medicine to eat.. GOSH!!! help me.. the size of the pills are like the size of a big kidney bean.. erm.. appx. 2cm X 0.5cm X 0.5cm... can u imagine ?!?!? OMG.. i have to take 4 of those big things plus another 3 more smaller ones EACH TIME!! for 2 weeks.. well.. its a day n nite thingy.. haizz.... i hate pills...

well.. i m taking clarithromycin, amoxicillin, ranitidine and omeprazole for the h.pylori and gastritis.. and another pill for itch as i have sensitive skin.. which will cause drowsiness.. my fren asked me how did i manage to swallow those pills ? i told him just like tat lo.. then he said its BIG n asked if i had stuff it up my ass... LOL... here are the pills i m taking..

i got cancer ?! H.pylori?!

Recent illness got me to my family doctor for a check up.. aiks. the 'lao sai' shit again .. haiz... its diarrhea.. non stop for a few days liao.. then i keep on burping for no reasons.. so i went to the doctor.. hhmmm.. he suspect that i have H. Pylori n ask me to test my blood... n i have gastritis.. god knows wat are those! lolx.. i have to test my shit n test my blood! SHIT!!!! yucks... kinda awkward u noe? hhmm.. i took the container n put the 'stuff' inside then wrap it nicely.. gladly put inside my bag.. suddenly i was thinking 'if someone rob my bag, wud i laugh or cry?'

hhmmm... my 'good fren' in class told almost everyone in college tat i have cancer!!! WTF! i just said tat i m infected with H.pylori.. which might cause cancer IF untreated... some even think tat its real.. gosh... well.. at least i noe they care bout me.. LOL.. sad way to noe someone actually cares bout u eh? but if i m going to die soon with such disease or any deadly ones.. i wud not tell u guys.. i wud just try to meet up with u guys.. then pretend nothign happened.. then b4 i die, i wud leave some contacts of all my frenz to my family so to inform them to come for my funeral! lolx.. with lychee n colourful outfits!! hehe..

okok.. i found out tat i have gastritis.. which is gastric.. i did not eat my meals accordingly.. well.. it is true as sometimes i wake up very early n have a few breakfast n heavy lunch at odd hours n tea n heavy dinner.. sometimes 2 dinners.. n sometimes i wud have few suppers in the middle of the nite when everyone is fast asleep.. hehe... or sometimes i wud wake up quite late till i wud skip breakfast n have my lunch at 4pm.. gosh.. tis is bad.. no wonder lar... haiz..... n i have a sensitive stomach.. means less curry, less oily stuff, less dairy products.. haiz...

bout the H. Pylori.. it is actually Helicobacter pylori.. it is a spiral-shaped bacterium that lives in the lining of the stomach. however, if left untreated the bacteria can lead to digestive illnesses, including gastritis, peptic ulcer disease and even stomach cancer later in life. But even thought the bacteria can cause these illnesses, experts believe that most H.pylori infections are 'silent' and produce no symptoms. about 2/3 of the world's population is infected with H.pylori.

It is suspected that H.pylori infection may be contagious, because the infection seems to run in families and is more common where people live in crowded or unsanitary conditions. although the precise mode of transmission remains unknown, the following routes seem most probable :
1. oral-oral (mouth to mouth contact such as kissing)
2. fecal-oral (through the ingestion of waste tainted food or water)
3. gastric-oral (exposure to vomit)
it is oso tested that H.pylori patient's saliva contain such bacteria. so food sharing n water sharing shud be stop for a period of time until it is fully cleared..

Anyone can have H.pylori infection without knowing it. when the bacteria do cause symptoms, they're usually either symptoms of gastritis or peptic ulcer disease. symptoms of gastritis may include nausea, vomiting and pain in the abdomen. as for peptic ulcer disease, abdominal discomfort is the most common symptom. usually abovethe navel n below the ribs. comes n goes for several days or weeks. usually occurs 2-3 hours after a meal, in the middle of the nite. it is relieved by eating or antacid medications. other symptoms of peptic ulcer diseas include nausea, vomiting , loss of appetite and belching. bleeding may oso occur. prolonged bleeding may cause anemia leading to weakness and fatigue. if bleeding is heavy, there may be bloody or black stools, bloody vomit or vomit that looks like coffee grounds.

it can be treated using antibiotics. bcoz a single antibiotic may not kill the bacteria, you may be given a combination of antibiotics. drugs used for treatment :

Antibiotics: metronidazole, tetracycline, clarithromycin, amoxicillin

H2 blockers: cimetidine, ranitidine, famotidine, nizatidine

Proton pump inhibitors: omeprazole, lansoprazole, rabeprazole, esomeprazole, pantoprozole

Stomach-lining protector: bismuth subsalicylate

since the source is unknown, there for prevention have not been made. but it is alwyas wise to wash ur hands thoroughly , eat food that's been properly prepared, drink water from a safe source. hhmmm.. a lot of ppl do not noe wat are the symptoms are dun even noe bout all these diseases as in msia, it is not very common. they will onli learn bout it when someone around them got tat disease. then onli they wud noe. b4 tis, i wud not noe anything bout peptic ulcer, gastritis, h pylori, stroke, high blood pressure, denggi etc etc... a lot of things i learned.. so it is wise to noe some common ones.. esp those contagious n deadly ones... or go for medical check ups accordingly.. hope everyone is ok!

Death...

Went to da cemetery tis afternoon at Cheras to visit my ancestors.. As usual, its like a family thing and every year around this time. it's basically the 'All Soul's Day' for the Catholics... my dad was a Catholic.. so his ancestors are Catholic.. but my dad is now a Buddhist, but we just dun mind, we are open minded though.. well.. its just paying a visit to our beloved or at least my dad's.. lolx.. coz most of them i dun even noe them n perhaps havent seen them b4.. we lit candles, put flowers, clean the graveyard etc.. As usual, the wind is not helping.. well.. duno if i wan wind or not.. coz wind will light out the candles, if no wind means HOT!!! >.<"

nowadays.. there are some trips to visit the graveyard.. n for some chinese.. they wud go to all this 'feng shui' thing.. the Fu Gui Shan Zhong aka the Nirvana... very famous chinese cemetery in Msia.. its like all chinese wud wanna stay there after their life ended.. its like a 'hotel'.. luxurious 'resort' for them.. hehe... sounds funny.. but in reality is like tat.. bcoz of 'feng shui' n stuff like tat.. well.. back to the trip, they will bring these old ppl to visit it.. explain to them bout afterlife n stuff like tat n 'feng shui' etc.. n they shud plan for their deaths n stuff like tat due to the modern mindset.. LOL... well... they shud.. sound weird.. something unusual.. but i duno if any old ppl wud like to go coz a lot still in tat old mindset which they do not wanna discuss bout death n stuff like tat...

Suddenly, it came into my mind.. i remembered last year.. My lecturer told us tat if one day she passed away.. *touch wood* well.. hu doenst die.. hhmmm.. hope u r not offended by it.. she wud like us to come in colourful colours to the ceremony.. LOL.. weird? nah.. tats wat i have in common.. if i die.. come in COLOURFUL COLOURS!!! n bring some lychee.. hehe.. i love lychee.. well.. i dun mind being in a fire ceremony .. erm.. i dun wat they call it in eng.. u noe, the body is burnt to ashes.. n stuff like tat.. lolx.. BUT after i m really really really certified tat i m dead! lolx.. n the way i wanna die is without suffer.. happily without burdening anyone around me.. a lot of ppl wanna die in such way.. i have a fren hu is tis obsessive speed driver or 'grand prix' driver.. he doenst mind dying in an car accident which goes 220 kph in his BMW Z4 or something like tat.. LOL.. crazy ?

technology.. choose to ignore or ?

wanted to transfer pics n songs to my hp n form my hp to pc... but suddenly i found out tat my hp memory card got problem.. AIKS.. cant detect anything... so the onli solution is via bluetooth.. haiz...so troublesome..

tis is when i decided to format the hp memory card.. so i asked around my frenz if they noe how to format using the hp itself.. luckily nobody noes.. if not i wud have regretted.. coz then onli i knew tat all my phonebook n inbox msges will be deleted too!!! SHIT!!

suddenly i thought to myself.. y dun they just create a folder tat contains the phonebook n sms? so tat its easier to save stuff from my hp to my pc.. how convenient it wud be if there is tis function! i mean.. a lot of ppl just save all their contacts in their hp phonebook.. tats all.. dun have any copies.. like i do.. but the onli thing is tat.. when u wanna chagne new phone, format memory card, as a bakc up... its just so hard!! u have to copy it down one by one using the most original method aka hand writing..

how bout all those important sms!! those memorable tat u wanna keep n save.. u cant just save it inside the memory card like tat n transfer into ur pc rite ?! then one day u wud have to change ur memory card or hp.. then GONE!! aiks.. damn sad.. i tried it few times.. haizz.. all my memories lost!! haizz... if u are really hardworking, u wud copy it down by using hand writing.. but as most ppl .. like me.. just have better thigns to do.. haizz... duno duno duno.. n sometimes wat if we are not fast enuf to copy it down ? have u guys ever tot of accidents? stolen n stuff like tat ?!?!

with the technology today, i think tat tis function can be easily 'installed' into all the phones.. i heard from my fren tat nokia phones can save the phonebook to pc.. is it true? or is it just my phone cant ? SE.. aiks.. not saying tat u r bad.. but its just.. hhmmm... weird... lolx... with tis 'new function' i guess it wud ease out life out a bit.. n its more convenient tat way... either they refuse to add in tis function or they are just too blind trying to develop phones to have a better camera or solution or thinnest ! but they have forgotten the most basic nids of all humans.. the common ones... competing in tis direction which blinded them in such an area..